Fresh Monkey Meat

For Immediate Release

BANGALORE, India - (January 5, 2007) Alicia Stavros, president of Stavros Genius
of Marketing Infomercials and Dating for Interracials, will introduce a new line of
fresh gourmet food in the United States early next year.

"Before I came to India I never knew the true meaning of fresh, organic monkey
meat," Stavros said during bites of a Macaca Sandwich. "Very often in the States,
when one orders a gorilla sandwich or monkey stew, it's made with canned, frozen
or instant monkey meat. The difference between fresh orangutan and the cheap
stuff is like comparing my cashmere lined Gucci running shoes to fake Luis Vuitton
bags you see worn by the ho's and suckas in the Oakland Airport."

Stavros, who used to be a member of PETA, said the taste of fresh monkey and her
love of monkey boots and monkey vests, made with real pelts, changed her life. "I want
all my brothers and sisters tired of hamburgers, chicken sandwiches and those horrible
veggie platters, to really live it up. That's why I'm introducing Stavros's Magnificent
Monkey Meat to all Kroger's, El Gigante Fiesta and Ravi's Tandoori Shack of Hoboken
in 2007. So everyone can experience true flavor and freshness, hominid style."

Stavros chose India for the press conference because of the positive attitudes of the
Indian people and their love for monkey meat. She expects controversy in the States
over her mass-marketed gourmet food, but advises critics to "Hate the Game, Not
the Player. But don't really hate the game, either. Wild game to be exact. It's
monka-licious! But don't use that term, it's trademarked."

Stavros, who has been waited on hand and foot all month in India by servants earning 75
cents a day, said she loves India and would consider moving to the world's second most
populous country except for the "nauseating smell of sewage, mosquitoes bigger than my
hand and the creepiness of old Indian ladies with greasy hair and dark moustaches. "My
god the smell, the smell!" Stavros cried while she briefly took off her air mask to
sneeze. "Oxygen boy, get in here!" Stavros was led away by a rickshaw lined in
satin and monkey pelts.