Dear Jewish People:
As you know, I love the Hebrews. Some of my best clients and money-sources
come from the Jewish people. That's why it's a pleasure to say, from Me to you,
Happy Hanukkah! You know, next to Yom Kippur or Holocaust Remembrance Day,
Hanukkah is the happiest time of the year. It's when Me and you can enjoy Matzoh,
halvah bars, delicious Torahs and that yummy meshuggina that we all love so much.
For eight nights let's celebrate the many joys and mitzvahs of our lives, from your
relationship to Me and your G-d, to my many blessings as a Marketing Genius, Role
Model, and all around mensch.
After the Hanukkah season, when you have sent Me many presents, feel free to join
Me in Alissa's 2007 Holiday celebration. We'll be planning a cool party at the W Hotel,
or some other cool place with Me, Hillary Clinton, Gwen Stefani, Lindsay Lohan,
Justin Timberlake and other close personal friends of Me. It'll be an All-Star for
Alissa Party you won't want to miss! Of course many of you will miss it because you're
not cool enough, but don't worry, I'll be happy to send you to a website where you can
view photos of all the fun. ($4.95 per minute, 10 minute minimum.)
So live it up, guzzle that Manischewitz for Me and toast the New Year! (please don't
send Me any of that cheap Jewish wine, I hate it.)
Love and Bar Mitzvah,
Alicia!
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