Sensitivity Training

SENSITIVITY TRAINING ORDERED FOR STAKGOLD

LOS ANGELES - NOVEMBER 1, 2006. Alissa Stakgold, president, CEO and head massage therapist for the Stakgold Group for Infomercials and Adult Video Marketing, has agreed to undergo sensitivity training for her frequent violent outbursts.

"As part of my court ordered therapy I am happy to work on these issues," Stakgold read flatly from a prepared release. "My yelling episodes directed toward Michael Rogers the hairy Jew, Robin my lazy office worker, my BMW dealership, everyone at Starbuck's and Coffee Bean which I visit 4 times a day, people who talk too loud on their cell phones in public preventing me from talking loudly on my cell phone in public, and all Conservative Republican Evangelicals, were unfortunate. I apologize. Sort of. But not really."

Stakgold's first meeting will be sponsored by the B'Nai Brith Youth Center, the Jewish Defense League and the Shecky Greene Fan Club. "These hamyuckels are hocking me to chinick and giving me shpillkiss," Stakgold said. "Oy, why do I have to schlep all over this furshlugginer town for this dreck?"

Stakgold angrily denied similar attacks on the African-American and Korean communities claiming "I was misquoted! I was on Ambien and coming back from Cincinnati and ... hold on a second ... I'm a bad cell zone ... Just so you know ... I might be losing you .... so long sucker!!!"